Back To School

Well it was finally the end of my weeks recovery meaning it really was time for me to be heading back to school today which I was excited but nervous about how everyone would react seeing as I had now been away for 2 whole weeks ,I knew things would be different when I went back into school as I wouldn’t be going out for play time at break or lunch and instead I would have to spend it sitting in the reception as there was a risk of me being knocked either in the ribs during play or one of the balls being thrown to hard and hitting my ear etc and things would also be different as I wouldn’t be joining in PE for at least 3 months which was pretty much the rest of the time we had remaining at junior school .So it wasn’t as though I was going to be going back to school and everything was going to be normal or as it was before I left because to think that would just be silly as I knew it wasn’t but I hoped things would still go well and be alright for me .I also hoped that i’d be able to settle back in again and I suppose in a way pretend and act like nothing had happened even though it had if that makes sense ?

Things actually went really well and it wasn’t really anything to worry about I was taken in through the reception so that I could avoid the crowds in the playground of children all trying to get through one door at once which made things easier (plus meant I got to class earlier than the others which they  couldn’t figure out how ) and to be honest my class didn’t really treat me any different from what they had when I first  left to go  into hospital 2 weeks ago which was a great start obviously my friends in the class such as Daniel knew why I had been away and so did my teacher who said how it was nice to have me back which was quite sweet of him to say

I had obviously missed a fair bit of work whilst I had been off so had a lot of catching up to do in lessons which wasn’t too bad to be fair but however something which did upset me a bit was that fact every year the year 6’s do a levers play that everyone in the year group has to take part in but sadly due to me being off I missed out on getting my part but luckily all was quickly resolved as Mrs Murphy our class LSA said that I could prompt people if they forgot their lines or something so I would be on hand to whisper it or shout it whatever round the corner so they remembered what they were meant to be doing and when it was the group songs I’d have to take part and Mrs Murphy would do the prompting which all sounded great and I was told I would be given everyone’s scripts on the day which was all fine by me

Over the next few weeks I did start getting bored sitting in reception on my own for all break and lunch although I was told a friend could sit with me but they never really wanted to sit in reception with me for all of break and lunch let alone just one of them if I was lucky someone might come and sit with me for about five minutes or so then go off to play in the playground with everyone else so it did get a bit lonely really of a break and lunch hmm sounds familiar from one of my previous blogs

As the last weeks of year 6 quickly came around we were sitting out SATS exams so that our secondary school could know what levels we were at and so on also in the UK this seems to for some reason be a tradition but everyone signs your school shirt with messages etc really we were supposed to take a spare in to change into once everyone had written on your shirt but the school didn’t want me to do this as they were worried about me knocking my ear or my ribs so I was allowed to keep my signed shirt on for the day which was pretty cool 🙂  we also did weird little things such as putting tents up in groups :S and our leavers play had finally arrived which we had to perform to our parents and anyone in the community who decided to come and watch .We all had to gather in one of the class rooms and wait until we were called to stage so I explained how I was supposed to be prompting and I was told someone would come and get me when they needed me but no one did so the only part I ended up playing was just singing all of the whole year songs that we had to do which i wish I had have been able to have taken a part whether it was just a small one but oh well life goes on .Also near to the end of year 6 this is always a weeks residential trip where you go away for the week with the year group and do various activities but I opted out of going as I didn’t have many friends now and I didn’t like the idea of going and the possibility of getting bullied whilst I was away and also it just really didn’t appeal to me personally so that meant I had to go to school for that week with hardly any of our year group being in which sucked a bit but hey I was the one who decided not to go

The final day…

After having my place confirmed at the new school it was time for me and mum to head back to the other side of town so I unfortuantly could go to school and also so we could let the school know I wouldn’t be coming back weirdly I was actually soo excited to go to school knowing this was it this was my final day ever at that school (well half day as missed the first half so could go to visit my new school) and I actually for once didn’t care what happened ,What the teachers said ,whether I got bullied or not all because I knew this was it get through today and I never ever ever ever had to see that school again because I was never turning back once I walked out of that school gate tonight

Anyway going into school after the news I had just reccieved didn’t phase me in the slight and went straight in with no issues or complications at all and I knew I could get through the day without being sent home I was going to make it and survive the day .So I went straight to join my class in ICT .I remember going and sitting on the carpet with the rest of my class and sitting their talking to my best friend Emma about why I had missed the morning at school

A)  because she’s my best friend

B) we tell each other everything

C) i was so excited

D)  i wasn’t coming back  to the school

E)  it couldn’t wait (i couldn’t wait to  share the news )

So yeah I sat there on the carpet with the rest of my classmates trying to tell Emma everything whilst trying to trick the teacher into thinking that I was listening to the lesson instructions or whatever she was talking to the class about  .Which kinda didn’t work out in my favor as got caught a fair few times ,But I likely got caught not only because I was sitting talking to Emma when I should have been listening but also my classmates also began to listen in and asking me questions (cheers for making it more obvious than it already was you subtle lot 😛  .But it was the fact technically you could say I was distracting the rest of the class because of this and obviously it didn’t impress the teacher that her class were more interested in finding out why I was moving than her ICT lesson which to be honest wasn’t all that interesting anyway was something about doing a weather report or something .So yeah my ICT teacher instead decided to threaten me with a time out usually this would have been something which would have bothered me if it had happened before(which it hadn’t) .But this time it really didn’t bother me sitting at a little table for like a minute and then going back into the classroom but due to me moving school and that knowing I wasn’t going to be coming back it really didn’t phase me at all .In all seriousness I felt like I really was on top of the moon as though nothing could knock me down (it’s a great feeling for those of you who haven’t experienced it other than being drunk or high or whatever ) ,It would have been great to have stood on top of planet earth and shout it out for the world to hear ,sadly this wasn’t possible to do .I did but didn’t get that timeout i’m not really sure what it was as the schools head of behavior teacher Mrs Cook came down to our ICT lesson and called me out and made me sit outside of the classroom and told to stay sitting there until she returned bit bizarre hadn’t ever seen this happen to anyone else nor had this happened to me before so what was going on ??!? .What was even weirder was when she returned I was sent back into class , erm ok you just called me out to speak to me , left me sitting outside the classroom until you return then come back an send me straight back into class??!!

A few minutes later Mrs Cook returned and again called me out of class bit bizarre right ? only think I honestly was able to think was maybe she’s going to actually talk to me this time (not that I even knew what she wanted to see me or speak to me about anyway) , It turned out she wanted to talk to me and led me down to the front of the school to go into an office and talk to her in their just the two of us ok what was going on ? and the talk was about her being kind of concerned (more like being nosy) to find out if it was true that I was moving school and why and doing the whole are you happy in school ?, anyway after confirming I was moving an NOOOO  I wasn’t happy in school was sent back to class , great now you’ve finished being nosy and I’ve made you all satisfied

A few minutes later Mrs Cook returned to our class and called me out for a third time seriously what on earth was going on ?? what did she want now ?? and when I went out of the class with her she briefly sat me outside the class and basically wanted to know if it was ok for her to talk to me and have a chat erm yes , but I thought we had just had that chat ?? .This time I was taken to the deputy head teachers office where the deputy head Mrs Bass (Or Mrs Gas as we liked to call her) was sitting in one of the chairs so ,I was personally expecting Mrs Cook to turn round and say either :

A) Sorry can I borrow your office for a few minutes whilst I have a chat with Bethan?

B) Sorry she thought that the office was free , did she know anywhere else we could go?

C) She needed to quickly talk to her before we had our chat

Nope it wasn’t A,B, or C  instead it was D the complete opposite I was told to take a seat in one of the available chairs in Mrs Cook was asking me whether I wanted her to stay in the room or if I wanted her to wait outside the room , Brilliant  I was talking to the deputy head how fantastic -_- Personally I said I didn’t mind either way whether she stayed or not although secretly I really wanted her to stay with me ( Noo way did I want to be left alone with Mrs Gas)

Luckily for me  Mrs Cook decided to stay in the room (thank god) it kind of helped having her in the room as it made me feel better about the situation but at the same time it made me feel really awkward talking to Mrs Gas .Stupidly at the time all I could possibly think was , was I in some kind of trouble? , had I done something and not realised? ,Had a teacher made a complaint about me ? , Nothing made any sense as to what was going on until I was told by Mrs Gas that my mum had rung in to say that I wasn’t going back to the school ,I was also told that my dad had sent her an email that morning as well .It soon became clear I was here to talk about why I was moving school (something which should have been done by the head but well she had , had a falling out earlier that week with my mum so didn’t even want to face me)

Mrs Gas basically wanted to be nosey and find out why I was leaving the school , which school I was moving to etc as well as trying to be nice to me for once and persuade me to stay at the school .It was far too late for this , things had gone too far and there was no way I was going to back down and stay at that school as I knew things wouldn’t ever improve their and the next day it would be as though the talk had never happened

Once they had both finished talking to me I was sent back to class on my own shutting the door on them knowing that they were sitting behind the closed door discussing it all and talking about me which made me feel extremely awkward but I knew I had done the right thing by not backing down and sticking to my guns of moving school

By that break time ,word had spread around the school  god know how it got around so quickly I will never know especially as break was after that ICT lesson and i’d only just told my class , well my class had only just found I was moving and it wasn’t like back then we all had blackberries and iphones or anything .It was just word of mouth .I only noticed this because as me and Emma came out of the doors from the school building out into the playground we were greeted with a crowd of other kids asking  is it true your leaving? , why are you moving? where are you moving to? ,Was I going to ever go back to that school ?

As the final hour of school approached I weirdly began to feel quiet sad at the fact that I was leaving my best friend behind to go to a school where I didn’t know anyone or anything ,This then led me to become worried about whether or not I would make new friends at my new school or not .Eventually the end of the school day arrived and in an odd way I was actually rather sad about leaving , Not that I was going to miss the school all that made me feel like this was seeing the other side of what this school could actually be like as I’d expirenced no bullying, all the pupils and teachers were being exceptionally nice to me .Although I knew that this was only because I was leaving and as soon as I said alright i’ll stay it would have gone back to normal .Seeing as I had seen the other side of the school I was determined to go ahead with the move

When I got home from school that evening it hit me , this was really happening ,I really wasn’t returning back to that school and I could finally be at ease and not worry about the bullying which would have otherwise have been facing me and instead looked forward to the next morning .Although I was excited about moving I didn’t get my hopes up as I mean I thought everything would be fine at that school and look what happened there .I could only hope not to face any more bullying from here onwards

The School That Didn’t Care

For the first eight years of my life, I had pretty much accepted myself the way I was, and I felt OK about myself. But then  I went up to Juniors.Where the problems begun

At my first Junior school , Since very early on in my school life at this school and on-wards I felt very vulnerable , like I didn’t fit in , as though the world was totally against me , embarrassed and ashamed to be Myself the reason I felt like this was because I was being faced with bullies, the bullying was mostly verbal but also emotional and mental ; it was all based around my appearance ( my little  ear) all of the comments I had were about my little  ear but everyday these comments became more and more hurtful.

I came home from school crying every day  and told Mum and Dad what was happening. They went up to the school to talk to the head several times, but the teachers always insisted there was nothing going on, saying they had no problems with bullying at their school. But I knew different. Teachers who were on playground duty just ignored what was being said to me. It was very upsetting. I was being made unhappy but the school didn’t want to do anything about it.

I was becoming more and more fearful ; frightened of going to school . Being at school knowing no matter what i did, where I went , or who I was with this was going to happen. The thing i couldn’t get my head around was how I hadn’t really noticed I was different until this point . Yet everyone else did and the fact that even people I didn’t and still don’t know knew about it.
If I made it into school and faking to be ill hadn’t worked or any other excuse I could come up with failed I would simply go into school put on a brave face although I was feeling far from brave and when things got to tough or too hard I would simply take myself off to the medical room and complain of being ill so the school would have to ring my mum and get her to come and collect me and this was the only way I felt I could get away from the situation that I was being faced with daily also often where I had been bullied I would actually feel ill where i didn’t know what was going to happen next or just panicking and winding myself up about the day or from seeing someone who had picked on me or even people walking in my direction .But it wasn’t as though I hadn’t told mum about this as I did tell her some of the comments that had been said but I never told her everything or the day-to-day events it wasn’t that I couldn’t trust her but i was too scared  to as bullied have a kind of power over you that makes you bottle everything up and also feel as though the world is against you but when I did tell my mum some of the things that happened she got in touch with the school but the head teacher would always turn around and say “there is no bullying in my school” and made out I was making it up which made things worse

Knowing that the school didn’t support or help me through the situation  made me feel that the school didn’t care enough about me as an individual let alone the situation it was like they liked the fact it was going on and as though they were getting fun ; enjoyment and entertainment out of it as well as satisfaction I just felt and knew everyday was getting harder and harder to cope with and lost several friends at this stage so was only left with best friend Emma Buck so I spent my break and lunch times with her well I generally spent a lot of time with her pretty much everyday if it was possible.Although this was a rough patch for me at school some great memories occurred between us

The bullying effected my self-esteem , confidence , socialization skills and also trust in other people so this made me very wary of people whether I knew them or not and I just found things exceptionally hard and obviously this was quite a lonely time for me with all of the bullying

School life  got to the point where I didn’t want to be in that kind of situation any more and  my mum was constantly up at the school  dealing with things or  at least trying to sort things out with the school but no matter what we got exactly the same replies  “there’s no bullying in  our school ”  and other comments like that which just made things worse because it was quite obvious as  a lot of staff had seen  it happening but they didn’t bother sorting it out or doing anything

So at nine I moved to another primary school to get away from the bullies…

Starting Junior School

Ah leaving infant school and moving onto junior school every parents happiest and saddest day seeing their little one growing up and moving onto big school for the first time shows their child really isn’t their little baby any more and they’re growing up quicker and faster than expected .But it comes to a point when every parent has to face this fact of life .Were parents are crying in the playground tears of happiness thanking their child’s teachers for everything giving out gifts to the teachers etc

Although I can’t actually personally remember the thoughts and feelings or the emotions I had when starting juniors I suppose that the transition from infant to juniors is a very daunting situation for both parents and pupil. You have to get to grips with a bigger school , new children , new teachers , harder work , and different uniform you will experience general worries about the new situation that you’re put in not knowing who’s going to be in your class , who your teacher is ; finding the new places in school etc. Deep down although I didn’t want to show or say ,but the transition from my infant school onto juniors was going to be a lot harder and tougher than for a lot of the other children. I knew it was going to be a lot harder for me to fit in , having the worry of what the other children were going to think about me where they going to be as accepting as infants?

I suppose really thinking about it that i just assumed everything was going to be scary at first which it was. All new situations are but I suppose I just assumed everything would be fine and nothing to worry about once i had got to grips with everything ; settled in ; got to know other pupils; make other friends

But little did I know that I was very wrong about this and very wrong at that and things were about to change not necessarily for the better either