Not only did I have a new diagnosis of another medical condition going on and trying to control it on my own as I was embarrassed by the condition and I didn’t want it to be seen as a weakness by others in my class but yet again I was experiencing the wonderful joys of bullying because bullies just seemed to love me
Anyway yeah the bullying now had got a lot worse from when I was in junior school with silly little comments which really looking back now weren’t all that offensive or hurtful but obviously were at the time and things had gotten worse since last year in secondary school as I had been bullied but it wasn’t like serious bullying just stupid little things and boys trying to get me into trouble with the teachers and our head of year especially and you know yeah but this year in year 8 obviously we had now been at secondary school for a whole year and were just in our second year now so everyone knew each other more and had gotten to know one another better and friendship groups were starting to form which all sounds great and it was for the others but not so much for me in all honesty as Ok I did have some new friends such as Shelby,Cherie , Jade and Emily but that was pretty much all I had obviously I had Daniel and Emma as well but compared to the other children in my year this was nothing and so I became yet again the victim of bullying because of how shy and quiet I was as I preferred to keep myself to myself and just get on with school and get home as soon as possible after school and I admit I did use my work as a distraction thinking oh if I concentrate more on my work not that I wasn’t concentrating a lot anyway as with my hearing I did find it hard to always hear what the teacher was saying or things in videos we were watching so I was a victim of bullying for the fact that I actually concentrated on work and hadn’t had any detentions so far so began silly name calling like teachers pet,boffin, nerd, geek , swotty potty and so on which was quite hurtful and hard for me to hear and deal with because they didn’t know what was really going on in my life or the first thing about me and yet they thought they had the right to judge me on what they really had no idea on which killed me deep down although I tried not to let these silly things get to me because I mean what was the point ? and so the more the bullying increased the more effort I put into my work to use it as an escape or a distraction from the bullying which did work in class but as soon as I got home everything fell apart and I couldn’t cope with it and I let my real emotions out but unfortunately in the wrong way by taking it out on my parents and those closest to me and I would get myself in a right state over homework writing pages and pages and pages just to try to keep the bullying away as I thought by doing this I wouldn’t need to worry about the bullies and it would take my mind of things which it did and it didn’t .It did in the fact that when I was in class I just completely zoned out and my work and getting home was my only priority but it didn’t work as I didn’t speak up about what was going on or do anything about the fact they were making these nasty comments and I allowed them to walk all over me and it didn’t work because as soon as I got home my wall crumbled away and the real hurt ,frustrated,angry, upset, confused me came out
Sadly things got worse than this as I then began receiving comments from the boys in my class about my family which killed me to hear them saying awful things about my parents and how they should have aborted me and what sort of parents would want me , how my parents never wanted me , how they didn’t love me ,how they hated me and what I had brought on them in life, (this actually makes me feel quite emotional just writing this) I then started being called names such as the black sheep of my family which means an outsider the one who is different in a way that others disapprove of or find odd and can be someone who has been shunned by others or chooses to be an outsider by their actions and is a disgrace and this boy who started all these awful comments also turned round and called my mum and dad awful names that I can’t ever bare to think of and decided to go and tell my head of year and the other boys in our tutor that my dad and I were growing weed(cannabis) in our garden and how I was drug dealing .Which I ended up getting called out of class by my head of year who said how there had been rumors about it and was it true which obviously no it wasn’t true at all so he then asked why they were saying things like that and where they had got it from which I really have no idea because it couldn’t have been any further from the truth .I only ever told my mum and dad about the growing drugs and being a drug dealer comment , the black sheep and a few of the comments about them but I could never bring myself to tell them everything that had been said about them purely because it killed me and hurt me so much there really no words or way of telling them .Sadly this same boy still wanted to make my life a misery and as awful as he could so he didn’t stop there
One English lesson we had a trainee teacher as well as our normal teacher and TA in the class room so three members of staff in the room which I felt safer knowing as the boy was put on the same table as I was for the lesson as we had been split into small groups and some how god knows how I ended up with him in the same group which I couldn’t believe as I knew exactly what he would do and he did he sat there most of the lesson trying to wind me up and making nasty comments about me and too me and the others on the table seemed to find this funny which was no help at all what so ever and I said something back to him as he was just getting to me too much and I know I would lose it and end up walking out of the class if he gave me any more hassle what annoyed me more was the fact the trainee teacher knew he was purposely winding me up and making these comments as she over heard a few and how fed up I looked and every so often came up to me to ask if I was ok and if he was giving me any problems which he instantly tried to do the whole cheeky chappy what me think and as soon as she walked off he said something else and he said something which I can’t remember what the comment was but it then led onto another comment about my hair colour being ginger and next thing I knew he’d got up from his seat and walked round behind me and put a lighter to my hair like fully light and out of the corner of my eye I could see the flame from the lighter I didn’t know what to do all the others on the same table as us were just rolling around laughing at this whilst I was sat there thinking to myself just sit still don’t move your head don’t move an inch don’t do a thing which thankfully I didn’t ,I was so grateful when the trainee teacher came over as he quickly took the lighter away from my hair and put it away and I was just hoping and praying the whole time he had that lighter to my hair that someone anyone would see and say something but nothing what annoyed me more was the fact that none of the teachers saw anything happen and some how he got sent out of the room shortly after it had happened and I must have looked so frightened as the trainee teacher asked again was I ok and what had happened so I said how he had his lighter out but never said anything about him putting it to my hair and the others on the table said that I was lying which didn’t help at all the one time I really needed someone to have sat there and backed me up but no nothing which killed me .However seeing as nothing had been done I knew I had to do something about it as I didn’t want him to do it again to me or someone else I mean what if next time he really did set my hair alight ? So I got up the courage to go to the staff room and knocked on the door and ask for my tutor and in basic form told her some of the comments that had been said and about the lighter and she said she would speak to him later and sort it out for me before heading back in the staff room .Nothing was done
I got home from school that night and as soon as I walked in the front door and saw my mum I just burst into tears where I had bottled it up all day and been so worried throughout all my other lessons about what if it happened again as I had other lessons with him and he was in my tutor group and told my mum everything and she got straight on the phone to my head of year about it I was glad I told her as I was so frightened that day and in all honest I’ve never been anywhere near as frightened as what I was that day #
The next day at school was awkward as I had to go and write a statement against him saying what had happened and he had been asked to go into school later by our head of year as he wanted to speak with him but it was awkward and hard because :
A)I’d never had to write a statement against one of my bullies before
b) I knew my statement would be taken into consideration of what happened to him
c) He walked in through the office whilst I was sitting with the receptionist talking through what happened whilst she typed the statement up
The rest of the day was so awkward just walking around school knowing I’d made a statement against him which I knew really was a good think but at the same time it wasn’t if he and when he found out that I had done this and I just worried about how he would take it ? , how would he react? , would he do something to me ? what was going to happen if he found ?, what would be said to him , would he get his friends on me ? .It was a very long day of waiting for the result and the school trying to keep him away from me as much as possible but when I got home that evening my mum received a phone call from my head of year saying he had been suspended for what he had said and done to me along with a few other issues which had happened and it felt good knowing I was a part of him being suspended from school knowing I helped that decision be made over him .It was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had and he wasn’t allowed back into school he had to go to park-side which was a school for the naughty kids or kids who couldn’t cope in school for whatever reason but mostly because they had been kicked out of school so yeah it was nice knowing I shouldn’t be seeing him in school any more but this didn’t mean the bullying was over it was far from it and so where the problems I was going to face later on …..