Bullying Of Another Kind…

Well if you’d thought I’d had enough bullying to last a life time then I’m sorry to say but your wrong although I wish you were right ,sadly there was yet more bullying to come my way and well I suppose at least you could say possibly that these bullies were original :S as this was not in school bullying it was in fact an attack of cyber bullying which means bullying over the internet,text , phone etc basically I suppose you could call it indirect bullying as it’s a form of bullying done without seeing the person

 

It  all started off as a  normal evening after school when I logged into my laptop and signed into MSN and Facebook unknowingly knowing I was about to become a victim to cyber bullying and two of my friends who had never expressed and problem or issue with me before instantly popped straight up on chat on MSN and started talking to me ok fine nothing wrong there but then it began starting to type abuse to me and nasty messages and i tried to ignore it by leaving the chat but every time I did they were popping back up pulling me in for yet another round of  abuse and then after a while of me pulling myself out of the conversations they tried to do it individually so one of them would try to talk to me on my own and try to blame it on the other before saying more nasty things and roping the other one into the conversation obviously I was really upset about what was happening and couldn’t believe or understand how or why it was happening and the only thing I could think was that there accounts must have been hacked or something but sadly not it really was them and I knew in school they never said a word and I knew I had to get proof of what they were really like so the rest of the class would know so I began adding everyone from my class at school into the conversation so that they could witness it for themselves and read the messages I was being sent but even so they still couldn’t and some of them even didn’t believe it and said how it wasn’t them and there accounts must be hacked as they would never do it face to face which I admit no the pair of them would never have the back bone to ever do or say any of that to anyone’s face which was the hardest part to face I mean I’d now got used to being bullied at school but now my private life and my safe place where I could escape the bullies(home) was now being taken over by the bullies and I really didn’t know where else I could turn as usually I’d come home to escape it but now I was at home was I supposed to go to school instead as a role reversal ? well funnily enough this was exactly what dad wanted to do was print all of the conversations from them off and take them into school and give them to my tutor to read even though I actually begged him not to and said how it had nothing to do with the school and they wouldn’t or couldn’t do anything as it had happened out of school (small minor incidents not bullying had happened out of school before and I’d been told had nothing to do with the school as it happened outside of school) but I was actually pleasantly surprised when the school did deal with it and my tutor sat and read over all of the messages I was sent and was horrified by what she had read and so she actually spoke to our class the next day having a go about how she was really disappointed that there were students in the class picking on others in the class and how we had been such a close group and why was it happening and read out some of the comments including mine as I turned round and told one of the girls she was spotty as couldn’t think of any other come back and that’s what mum told me to reply as she was standing watching the messages pour through as well as this my dad actually rung one of the girls parents and had them round to show the messages to on our computer and was going to go round the other girls house but her or her sister faked to be her mum pretending to have been really ashamed of her daughter and how she would be in trouble for it but obviously she didn’t I don’t actually think either of the girls did until it was taken to my tutor to sort out and I was told if it happened again due to the content of the message it could have actually been taken to the police but we didn’t that time but if it happened again to go straight to them with it because things got so bad in those messages and yeah it was basically two against 1 the whole way through so this was an awful experience to now know my home life was being over taken by the bullies was I not safe anywhere now ?

Year 8 Bullying..

Not only did I have a new diagnosis of another medical condition going on and trying to control it on my own as I was embarrassed by the condition and I didn’t want it to be seen as a weakness by others in my class but yet again I was experiencing  the wonderful joys of bullying because bullies just seemed to love me

Anyway yeah the bullying now had got a lot worse from when I was in junior school with silly little comments which really looking back now weren’t all that offensive or hurtful but obviously were at the time and things had gotten worse since last year in secondary school as I had been bullied but it wasn’t like serious bullying just stupid little things and boys trying to get me into trouble with the teachers and our head of year especially and you know yeah but this year in year 8 obviously we had now been at secondary school for a whole year and were just in our second year now so everyone knew each other more and had gotten to know one another better and friendship groups were starting to form which all sounds great and it was for the others but not so much for me in all honesty as Ok I did have some new friends such as Shelby,Cherie , Jade and Emily  but that was pretty much all I had obviously I had Daniel and Emma as well but compared to the other children in my year this was nothing and so I became yet again the victim of bullying because of how shy and quiet I was as I preferred to keep myself to myself and just get on with school and get home as soon as possible after school and I admit I did use my work as a distraction thinking oh if I concentrate more on my work not that I wasn’t concentrating a lot anyway as with my hearing I did find it hard to always hear what the teacher was saying or things in videos we were watching  so I was a victim of bullying for the fact that I actually concentrated on work and hadn’t had any detentions so far so began silly name calling like teachers pet,boffin, nerd, geek , swotty potty and so on which was quite hurtful and hard for me to hear and deal with because they didn’t know what was really going on in my life or the first thing about me and yet they thought they had the right to judge me on what they really had no idea on which killed me deep down although I tried not to let these silly things get to me because I mean what was the point ? and so the more the bullying increased the more effort I put into my work to use it as an escape or a distraction from the bullying which did work in class but as soon as I got home everything fell apart and I couldn’t cope with it and I let my real emotions out but unfortunately in the wrong way by taking it out on my parents and those closest to me and I would get myself in a right state over homework writing pages and pages and pages just to try to keep the bullying away as I thought by doing this I wouldn’t need to worry about the bullies and it would take my mind of things which it did and it didn’t .It did in the fact that when I was in class I just completely zoned out and my work and getting home was my only priority but it didn’t work as I didn’t speak up about what was going on or do anything about the fact they were making these nasty comments and I allowed them to walk all over me and it didn’t work because as soon as I got home my wall crumbled away and the real hurt ,frustrated,angry, upset, confused me came out

 

Sadly things got worse than this as I then began receiving comments from the boys in my class about my family which killed me to hear them saying awful things about my parents and how they should have aborted me and what sort of parents would want me , how my parents never wanted me , how they didn’t love me ,how they hated me and what I had brought on them in life, (this actually makes me feel quite emotional just writing this) I then started being called names such as the  black sheep  of my family which means an outsider the one who is different in a way that others disapprove of or find odd and can be someone who has been shunned by others or chooses to be an outsider by their actions and is a disgrace  and this boy who started all these awful comments also turned round and called my mum and dad awful names that I can’t ever bare to think of and decided to go and tell my head of year and the other boys in our tutor that my dad and I were growing weed(cannabis) in our garden and how I was drug dealing .Which I ended up getting called out of class by my head of year who said how there had been rumors about it  and was it true which obviously no it wasn’t true at all so he then asked why they were saying things like that and where they had got it from which I really have no idea because it couldn’t have been any further from the truth .I only ever told my mum and dad about the growing drugs and being a drug dealer comment , the black sheep and a few of the comments about them but I could never bring myself to tell them everything that had been said about them purely  because it killed me and hurt me so much there really no words or way of telling them .Sadly this same boy still wanted to make my life a misery and as awful as he could so he didn’t stop there

 

One English lesson  we had a trainee teacher as well as our normal teacher and TA in the class room so three members of staff in the room which I felt safer knowing as the boy was put on the same table as I was for the lesson as we had been split into small groups and some how god knows how I ended up with him in the same group which I couldn’t believe as I knew exactly what he would do and he did he sat there most of the lesson trying to wind me up and making nasty comments about me and too me and the others on the table seemed to find this funny which was no help at all what so ever and I said something back to him as he was just getting to me too much and I know I would lose it and end up walking out of the class if he gave me any more hassle what annoyed me more was the fact the trainee teacher knew he was purposely   winding me up and making these comments as she over heard a few and how fed up I looked and every so often came up to me to ask if I was ok and if he was giving me any problems which he instantly tried to do the whole cheeky chappy what me think and as soon as she walked off he said something else and he said something which I can’t remember what the comment was  but it then led onto another comment about my hair colour being ginger and next  thing I knew he’d got up from his seat and walked round behind me and put a lighter to my hair like fully light and out of the corner of my eye I could see the flame from the lighter I didn’t know what to do all the others on the same table as us were just rolling around laughing at this whilst I was sat there thinking to myself just sit still don’t move your head don’t move an inch don’t do a thing which thankfully I didn’t ,I was so grateful when the trainee teacher came over as he quickly took the lighter away from my hair and put it away  and I was just hoping and praying the whole time he had that lighter to my hair that someone anyone would see and say something but nothing what annoyed me more was the fact that none of the teachers saw anything happen and some how he got sent out of the room shortly after it had happened and I must have looked so frightened as the trainee teacher asked again was I ok and what had happened so I said how he had his lighter out but never said anything about him putting it to my hair and the others on the table said that I was lying which didn’t help at all the one time I really needed someone to have sat there and backed me up but no nothing which killed me .However seeing as nothing had been done I knew I had to do something about it as I didn’t want him to do it again to me or someone else I mean what if next time he really did set my hair alight ? So I got up the courage to go to the staff room and knocked on the door and ask for my tutor and in basic form told her some of the comments that had been said and about the lighter and she said she would speak to him later and sort it out for me before heading back in the staff room .Nothing was done

 

 

I got home from school that night and as soon as I walked in the front door and saw my mum I just burst into tears where I had bottled it up all day and been so worried throughout all my other lessons about what if it happened again as I had other lessons with him and he was in my tutor group and told my mum everything and she got straight on the phone to my head of year about it I was glad I told her as I was so frightened that day and in all honest I’ve never been anywhere near as frightened as what I was that day #

 

The next day at school was awkward as I had to go and write a statement against him saying what had happened and he had been asked to go into school later by our head of year as he wanted to speak with him but it was awkward and hard because :

 

A)I’d never had to write a statement against one of my bullies before

b) I knew my statement would be taken into consideration of what happened to him

c) He walked in through the office whilst I was sitting with the receptionist talking through what happened whilst she typed the statement up

 

The rest of the day was so awkward just walking around school knowing I’d made a statement against him which I knew really was a good think but at the same time it wasn’t if he and when he found out that I had done this and I just worried about how he would take it ? , how would he react? , would he do something to me ? what was going to happen if he found ?, what would be said to him , would he get his friends on me ? .It was a very long day of waiting for the result and the school trying to keep him away from me as much as possible but when I got home that evening my mum received a phone call from my head of year saying he had been suspended for what he had said and done to me along with a few other issues which had happened and it felt good knowing I was a part of him being suspended from school knowing I helped that decision be made over him .It was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had and he wasn’t allowed back into school he had to go to park-side which was a school for the naughty kids or kids who couldn’t cope in school for whatever reason but mostly because they had been kicked out of school so yeah it was nice knowing I shouldn’t be seeing him in school any more but this didn’t mean the bullying was over it was far from it and so where the problems I was going to face later on …..

 

My year 8 Tutor group

 

 

 

Me,Danielle,Hope and Lauren (only wanted me in this pic to make them look better they didn’t actually like me)

 

 

 

me in year 8

 

 

The France Trip ..

One of the first  trips we were offered in year 7 was a day trip to Boulogne , France  where we would get to visit a sweet factory ,Citie Europe ,and one of the french markets which sounded like great fun and I really wanted to go as things so far had gone really well in my first year at secondary school minus the odd comment or two but hey I just turned a blind eye and ignored them it wasn’t anything too bad anyway besides  I was loving french lessons which my class tutor taught me for and I really liked the whole idea of getting to go to France we never ever ever ever did trips like this at junior school the only sort of trips we ever did were trips to museums, zoos , residential etc and just boring day coach trips in the same country everyone was really excited about this trip and hey I was looking forward to this trip

 

The next few days leading up to the trip a few of the boys in my class thought it would be funny to start picking on me yupp I guess you really could call this strike 3 of bullying again oh the joys seems like I can’t ever escape the grasp of the bullies clearly ,Anyway yeah it started off with one boy just being stupid and thinking it was funny to try to wind me up one evening in tutor just before we took the last register for the day and went home he was obviously bored or something and wanted something to and how lucky for me I was the victim of his stupidity and ignorant comments it started off silly little things that I just blanked and ignored because after all it wasn’t too offensive or anything and it was just a boy being silly .However the next day at school in registration the exact same thing happened and so on right up until the day before when it wasn’t just him but a little group of the boys now decided it was funny to join in this time saying how they were planning on throwing me over board of the ferry and how funny it would be and keep telling me over and over and over that tomorrow morning when we got on the ferry they would throw me over the side of the ferry and would all stand there laughing as they threw me over the edge .I tried so hard to ignore it and just think you know it’s boys being boys but that night when I went to bed I couldn’t help but keep worrying and thinking although it was just boys being boys what if they really meant it ? what if they really did throw me over ? then what ? because I mean it’s not like you don’t hear of these sorts of things happening  and so I lay awake most of the night worrying about it tossing and turning .I hadn’t had much sleep when dad came awoke me early in the morning so I could start getting ready I played all the old tricks in the book as I had made my mind up this was it I wasn’t going and that I’d rather go to school instead as I knew the boys who had said that were all going on the trip so hey the problem would be resolved right if I dropped out ? but nope dad eventually got me up and knew something was up but still I didn’t want to say anything because what if nothing did actually happen ? In the end I acted like all was fine and as soon as we pulled up outside the school I burst into tears and refused to get out the car so dad ended up driving the car round the car park a good 5-10 times  keep asking me what was wrong but I wouldn’t tell him I didn’t want to worry him and he also kept asking if I was going or not as he needed to know but the thing was I didn’t know if I wanted to go or not mean I wanted to go as the trip sounded like great fun and I knew mum and dad had already paid all the money for it and if I did drop out they wouldn’t get that money back .However at the same time I didn’t want to go as what if it did happen ? what if I never made it home tonight? so I eventually confessed all to dad and he took me up to my tutor in fits of tears and told her what happened and she said how the boys were already on the coach and I wasn’t going to be in the same groups for the day as they were and how no one was going to be going on the top deck and that I could sit with her on the ferry and she would deal with the boys later but in all honesty I don’t think she ever did  but anyway she let the teacher who was with the group I was put in know in case anything happened

 

I hated the fact that dad took me up to my teacher in fits of tears blubbing in front her and the rest of my year group and everyone staring at me really didn’t help make me feel any better at all even when I was on the coach and everyone kept staring at me going why are you crying and things I didn’t want them to know it was nothing to do with them and besides how did I know they weren’t going to go and tell the boys what I’d said and that they wouldn’t then react and do something to me whilst we were in France ?I felt so awful the whole way to the ferry knowing this was the bit I didn’t want to have to do and thinking about what the other kids in my year group must have thought about me turning up crying like a baby

 

Once on the ferry I went to find my tutor and stuck very close by her as she said I could stay with her which started off fine and no problem or issue but then a few of the girls such as Emma (another Emma not Emma Buck) ,Hannah and Aiden came up to us and said to my tutor that I could hang around with them which my tutor encouraged ok these girls and Aiden were really nice and I did like them but I was so worried of bumping into the boys while we were on the ferry so I didn’t really want to stay with anyone other than my tutor which sounds babyish yes I know but still ..

 

Anyway I went and hung around with Emma,Hannah and Aiden as my tutor had encouraged well pretty much forced me but actually I enjoyed hanging around with them it was nice of them to let me hang around with them and it was all great until Emma and Hannah started feeling ill from the motion of the ferry and I soon lost all three of them and was left on my own wandering around the ferry not sure where to go or what to do so I attempted to go and find my tutor again and stick with her again but no matter how hard I looked I couldn’t find her anywhere or any of the other teachers so had no choice but to wander around on my own but hey it wasn’t so bad as I went in some of the shops on the ferry

 

Once we arrived we headed back onto the coach and headed for the sweet factory which was actually really cool watching them making hard-boiled sweets and then being allowed to sample some they were actually really nice so as we were leaving and past through their gift shop I bought myself a big 101 dalmatian lolly pop and a bag of mint hard-boiled sweets  .We all then quickly loaded back up on the coaches and then headed off for the little market  which wasn’t too long a drive and I walked around with several groups of people as I lost one group of people I was walking with an then found some others to walk around with an then lost them and found the original people I was walking around with etc but the market was really cool to look around and most of us bought ourselves beret from one of the stalls I got myself a blue one ,Once we had finished having our free time to walk around the market once again it was time to load back onto the coaches by which time pretty much everyone was feeling ill as they had bought and eaten too many sweets from the sweet factory and in the sweet shop at the market even though the teachers kept telling them not to eat too many as they would feel ill 🙂 anyway we then headed off for the big shopping mall called Citie Europe where again we were allowed to go off on our own as long as met our group teacher back at certain times for a register so they could make sure they still had us all .The shopping mall was HUGE but so amazing at the same time and I loved walking around again with various people as I lost one lot , found another etc .I went in loads of shops one of the shops I liked in particular was a toy shop which unusual toys and teddies at the time I was Eeyore mad and the lady who owned this small shop had a plush Eeyore teddy cuddling a pink teddy bear which I had to buy to add to my collection  as I liked to collect them .Sadly after the mall it was time for us to start making our way back to the ferry to start making our journey home which we ended up being delayed as one of the girls got lost and got left in the mall so the teachers had to go back to find her and there was also loads of traffic on the roads back to the ferry .Eventually we made it to the ferry but the ferry was a lot more bumpy coming home as it was going out but that didn’t bother me too much really .Seeing as we had run out of time to go to the french restaurant we were meant to go to I bought myself a plate of chips and can of coke for dinner on the ferry

 

I was so glad after all that my dad had made me go up to my teacher sobbing as if he hadn’t of made me do that no way would I have gone on the trip and I had an absolutely amazing time and enjoyed every minute of it so obviously was glad I did go in the end the only down side was that I don’t think the boys did ever get dealt with and also everyone on our coach was throwing up on the way back which was gross luckily though I wasn’t one of the ones who was but other than that it really was a fab trip and I suppose really this shows you really shouldn’t let bullies stop you from doing anything at all ad that it really is important to tell a grown up about it as soon as possible

The School That Didn’t Care

For the first eight years of my life, I had pretty much accepted myself the way I was, and I felt OK about myself. But then  I went up to Juniors.Where the problems begun

At my first Junior school , Since very early on in my school life at this school and on-wards I felt very vulnerable , like I didn’t fit in , as though the world was totally against me , embarrassed and ashamed to be Myself the reason I felt like this was because I was being faced with bullies, the bullying was mostly verbal but also emotional and mental ; it was all based around my appearance ( my little  ear) all of the comments I had were about my little  ear but everyday these comments became more and more hurtful.

I came home from school crying every day  and told Mum and Dad what was happening. They went up to the school to talk to the head several times, but the teachers always insisted there was nothing going on, saying they had no problems with bullying at their school. But I knew different. Teachers who were on playground duty just ignored what was being said to me. It was very upsetting. I was being made unhappy but the school didn’t want to do anything about it.

I was becoming more and more fearful ; frightened of going to school . Being at school knowing no matter what i did, where I went , or who I was with this was going to happen. The thing i couldn’t get my head around was how I hadn’t really noticed I was different until this point . Yet everyone else did and the fact that even people I didn’t and still don’t know knew about it.
If I made it into school and faking to be ill hadn’t worked or any other excuse I could come up with failed I would simply go into school put on a brave face although I was feeling far from brave and when things got to tough or too hard I would simply take myself off to the medical room and complain of being ill so the school would have to ring my mum and get her to come and collect me and this was the only way I felt I could get away from the situation that I was being faced with daily also often where I had been bullied I would actually feel ill where i didn’t know what was going to happen next or just panicking and winding myself up about the day or from seeing someone who had picked on me or even people walking in my direction .But it wasn’t as though I hadn’t told mum about this as I did tell her some of the comments that had been said but I never told her everything or the day-to-day events it wasn’t that I couldn’t trust her but i was too scared  to as bullied have a kind of power over you that makes you bottle everything up and also feel as though the world is against you but when I did tell my mum some of the things that happened she got in touch with the school but the head teacher would always turn around and say “there is no bullying in my school” and made out I was making it up which made things worse

Knowing that the school didn’t support or help me through the situation  made me feel that the school didn’t care enough about me as an individual let alone the situation it was like they liked the fact it was going on and as though they were getting fun ; enjoyment and entertainment out of it as well as satisfaction I just felt and knew everyday was getting harder and harder to cope with and lost several friends at this stage so was only left with best friend Emma Buck so I spent my break and lunch times with her well I generally spent a lot of time with her pretty much everyday if it was possible.Although this was a rough patch for me at school some great memories occurred between us

The bullying effected my self-esteem , confidence , socialization skills and also trust in other people so this made me very wary of people whether I knew them or not and I just found things exceptionally hard and obviously this was quite a lonely time for me with all of the bullying

School life  got to the point where I didn’t want to be in that kind of situation any more and  my mum was constantly up at the school  dealing with things or  at least trying to sort things out with the school but no matter what we got exactly the same replies  “there’s no bullying in  our school ”  and other comments like that which just made things worse because it was quite obvious as  a lot of staff had seen  it happening but they didn’t bother sorting it out or doing anything

So at nine I moved to another primary school to get away from the bullies…