Published January 30, 2018 by goshgurl95

Hey everyone I am soo soo sorry for being so quiet for so long on here, I hadn’t realised how long it had been , it was only when I wrote out a list of things I wanted to talk about on here and actually logged in that I realised a couple of blogs I wrote (one at the end of 2016 and one in May 2017) were the last posts I had written but hadn’t published for some reason..I honestly can’t believe it’s been so long and I really do apologise for that, there are however a couple of reasons as to why I’ve been quiet (Don’t panic I’m not pregnant, I haven’t had a baby or anything like that).

So firstly happy Hunnakah, happy christmas, happy new year and anything else I’ve missed .. I promise I’m back this time, I know I only apologised for being quiet a couple of blog posts ago… So please let me explain myself…….

Ok so firstly one of the reasons why I’ve been so quiet was due to me being discharged from Great Ormond Street Hospital in January 2016 and just in a way feeling that was it , the end of the road , not just medically speaking but I kind of felt it also meant the end of the road for my blog, as my blog is medically based, follows my medical journey, experiences with bullying and what have you .I just felt if I blogged about everyday life where there wasn’t anything medically going on , no hospital appointments, no health issues or whatever that it may defeat the object of my blog and may not attract some of you to want to read this .I also just felt for anyone new that may come along to read my blog thinking it’s about microtia and everything else, which it very much is , that if they came and looked and only saw the every day, day to day things this might put them off a bit  as I know those of you who do follow my journey are on the same paths yourselves in one way or another. So I guess this is why I’ve kept on the quiet side on here as well as  my facebook page that is linked to my blog and support groups.I feel now is the right time to get back into the swing of things as I’m hoping I have now found or can find that right balance between the two,.


Now, this doesn’t mean I’ve not wanted to blog or post or nor does it mean I don’t want to be doing any of this anymore.Don’t get me wrong I love writing, I love this blog and all the support groups and would still be there to help whether I continued blogging or not, but I have felt lost without my blog  to be honest. There has been so much I’ve wanted to tell you and share with you ..The more I’ve contemplated not blogging under this name anymore and setting up a new blog for day to day things, the more I’m drawn back here and have come to realise no matter what I am and always will be GOSHgurl95 as this was the year I was born and  the year I became a GOSH patient and hospital or no hospital nothing changes my story nor the name.


Now just feels like the right time to get back into the swing of things and get you all updated on a few bits and pieces that have been going on, as this is not the only reason for my quietness and those that know me off of my blog and social media will know I’m far from a quiet person….


Other reasons for me being quiet has been where I’ve been busy with my new job as a nursery apprentice,  what with the actual work itself Monday-Friday and then all of my college assignments and work that I have been working on in the evenings towards getting my qualification , so that’s taken up a fair bit of my time getting that completed, sorting my folders and files and everything out, as well as training courses and things after work such as first aid training, autism training, basic sign language training, health, and safety, safeguarding  etc ,staff meetings, room meetings, parents evenings etc it has been hard to find the time to blog.Quite honestly most the time I’m getting in from work having dinner and getting ready for bed where I’m so tired, however, I wouldn’t change my job or anything about it for the world I absolutely love it still and is still one of the best decisions I’ve made.


It’s crazy to think that I’ve been in my new job over a year now well  a year and 2 months to be precise, the time has honestly flown by , this is another reason I’ve been so quiet time has just literally flown me by and I can’t believe that already were at the end of January….

I am still absolutely loving my job as hard as it can be at times I wouldn’t change it for the world and I still do not regret my decision and still wish I had gotten into this a long time ago, like when I left school and started college ,I just wish I could’ve known then what I know now and chosen this path, to begin with so I could’ve been further along in my career and could’ve taken it further by now, but then again I’m a believer in everything happens for a reason.I’m now nearly finished with my level 2 qualification as I’ve completed all of the coursework, observations, practicals, and assignments a month earlier than my sign off date .All were waiting on now is for me to be ready for and booked in for my level 1 functional skills maths exam, and once that’s done and passed , then my exit paperwork for level 2 can be completed and processed ..You would think I would then get a rest or a break or be done with  everything…You would be wrong indeed no rest or break for me, as I’ve made the decision that as soon as I’m officially signed off my level 2 I’ll start my level 3… Now I didn’t have to start this straight away I could wait a while until September 2018 if I wanted,but me being me I would rather just crack on with it ,get it done ,get qualified ,get on normal wages and find the next thing to do, whether that be level 4 (when they roll this out as of September 2018), some kind of Uni course in child care or maybe even going onto specialising as a play specialist or children’s nursing, who knows we will see where life takes me and what’s on offer after level 3



Due to my new job it has also created more of a social life for me whether this is just training and courses after work or at weekends, or fundraising at weekends for the nursery such as our Christmas bazaar etc, lunches and dinners out with the lovely ladies I work with at weekends or in half terms around my shifts as I work all year round, no school holidays off .We’ve done things such as going out celebrating each others birthdays over dinner, drinks etc, nights out, Christmas do’s, spontaneous nights out after work to creams for ice cream and puddings etc.This has been something that is very new to me as I’ve never done this not in my previous job or even with college friends, but I have to say I’m loving it and it’s really nice to catch up with everyone out of work as we don’t really get the chance to talk properly in work , unless were on lunch breaks together but even then it’s difficult to do this.


Other reasons I’ve been so quiet have included me still being very much active as a brownie and guide leader and spending Thursday evenings after work with the brownies and then the guides for our weekly meetings doing various activities, badges, challenges etc as well as weekend trips away or days out, sleepovers, camps  .Such as sleepovers in our local museum,  I’ve helped in organising and taken 2 of our brownies up to London in 2017 to see the trooping the colour with other leaders and their brownies, after winning free tickets to go, this was the weekend of the terrorist attacks in London , so we had a lot of drop outs but I was determined I wasn’t letting the girls down and we would still go, plus it was something I wanted to do and see too, On top of this, I was still at two rangers groups which one met every other Tuesday night and the other met every other friday night and doing things there and also at weekends such as an overnight stay in London (weekend after trooping the colour) Where we stayed at headquaters, went to westend live and I saw my favourite show Matilda there, as well as touring around London, Other trips have included a trip to London where I walked over the O2 arena something I din’t know if my dyspraxia would allow me to do but we survived it  and made it back in one piece much to my mums relief, and then went on to looking around the olympic park stadium, followed by dinner and onto seeing Matilda the musical at the westend, the weekend after that I was out with my family doing a zoo keeper shaddowing expirence that I had got for christmas, and then after that went home quickly got changed and drove over to a local rainbow unit that were having a sleepover and were a leader short so volunteered myself to help them out for the weekend..

.I cut the Friday night Rangers group and I’ll explain why a little later on into this blog, I don’t want to give it all away just yet 😉 I may even keep the suspense of that going until my next blog if I’m feeling mean enough (to be honest I’m thinking I will as it will beequite long and nope not pregnant nor have I had a baby)


I’ve just honestly lost track of how fast the past year has gone and it’s crazy to think I’m now 22 where did that go?! I’m going to leave this blog post here along with some photos of 2017 from May onwards and will reveal my main reason for being quiet in my next blog post…….



2017 was also a good year for meeting people I met Charlotte Crosby at her book signing local to me, I met Stephen Mulhern in my home town when walking back from town……






May 2017 update

Published January 29, 2018 by goshgurl95

OH  my it’s May already where has this year gone, I can’t believe it’s been so long since my last blog which was back in December now !. This blog is just going to be an update and to just let you all know I’m still alive… Still here :P, still blogging.Not forgotten about any of you.

I know I’ve been quiet for A while now and I do as always apologise for that I’ve just been busy with my new job, which I am absolutely loving every second of and am absolutely kicking myself that I didn’t get into this career path sooner.Honestly, my biggest regret is not going into childcare when I left school and doing it at college rather than doing animal care for 2  and a half years, before dropping out and working in a career I absolutely hated with a passion and made me so desperately unhappy. Before finally after 4 years being able to break free of the awful place and things that happened whilst I was there.


Work is going so so well I’ve been in my new job just over 6 months now already, seriously where has that time gone ?!! The children are great so funny and have brilliant personalities and I work with the best team of ladies I could ever have asked to get to know and work with, my manager is an absolute star so, so incredibly supportive and helpful every step of the journey and is just genuinely a lovely person.

It isn’t the easiest career anyone who tells you childcare is easy, so, so totally wrong or in the wrong job nothing about it is easy , but honestly for me I love the job, I enjoy getting up in the morning to see everyone I work with and especially the children and their little faces every morning that it honestly makes everything so worth it.It is THEEE most rewarding job, seeing the children achieve something new or learning how to do something and just generally becoming incredible people is more than I could ever ask.It’s scary to think that the children I have been working with since joining the team in November are going to school in September, It’s exciting for them but I am definitely going to miss each and every one of them, won’t be so easy for me as it will be for them but it’s lovely looking back to when I first started to this point now and seeing how far each and every single one of them has come .

As well as working 5 days a week in my new job, Where I am an apprentice so this means on top of working within the nursery I also have to go to college to which is once a week from 9 -2.15pm where I do two hours of lessons/workshop going over work etc and then we get a quick break before going to the computer room and doing an hour of self-study typing up notes from the morning or working on our assignments and then I do an hour of ICT  functional skills at level 1 .Then straight after I have to do an hour of maths functional skills , as I didn’t get a GCSE in maths at school due to my mathematical dyslexia (Dyscalculia) and school being unsupportive or helping, to the point they told me not to bother turning up for the exam as I would just be setting myself up to fail and that if I did turn up there would be no paper on the desk. Admittedly I am struggling with the maths but I’ll get there, it’s not like I have a lot of choice if I don’t pass I fail everything meaning I won’t be able to do my NVQ 3 childcare next year and also meaning I will not be able to work within childcare, so there’s a lot of pressure and a lot riding on me passing it.

So this means if I’m not at work I’m working on my course work and assignments or sorting bits out for observations and assessments or whatever.However also on top of that I am still pursuing being a Brownie leader through Girlguiding , although it does mean I do get there later due to my work finishing hours and getting there in the rush hour traffic, but I do my best to get there as close to time as I can.I’m usually anything between 15-30 mins late all depending if I get out of work on time and the traffic getting back.

I have also recently joint TWO rangers groups (also a part of Girlguiding) However this means I can still be a big child and enjoy activities and socialising and being silly really, whereas with the brownies and guides I have to have my sensible adult leader hat on.I am only really technically supposed to belong to one ranger group, but in all honesty, I like both the groups I went to visit and they’re both completely different one is a large group, one is smaller both meet different days and is every other week.There has only been one week that’s been the same theme which was a chocolate themed night but both units did different things one we did a chocolatier workshop and actually made chocolate lollies and chocolate pizzas, learnt more about chocolate, tasted cocoa beans.Whereas with the other unit we did word searches, easter egg hunt, made flannel bunnies, played a card game where you can snatch prizes (I ended up winning the main prize of a Freddo Easter egg) and enjoyed a chocolate fountain.So I’ve just decided to do both seeing as I’m paying for it anyway, so shhh that’s our secret that I’m doing both lol

On top of this I also like to now socialise and go out either with friends or people from work who are also my friends, and with working in a nursery there are a lot of social events  Christmas parties, engagement parties, birthday meals, birthday nights out, summer party, cinema trips etc and I honestly love hanging out with everyone outside of work.We’ve gone for spontaneous Chinese meals after work.

So This is kind of why I have been extremely quiet for a while really .I’m honestly loving everything right now and just enjoying life, I kind of want to say for the first time really as I honestly probably for the first time feel happy in all if not most areas of my life work is going well , I’m enjoying going out , I even weirdly enjoy doing my college work ,yes there was issues to start with so the college side of things got messed up and restarted in February this year as opposed to November when I first started but it’s cool it now means I have until the 9th of April next year to complete my level 2 qualification , already I’ve managed to get 36% of my assignments/observations completed and have another two due in , Thursday after next so that should then be more of my work signed off 🙂 .


Medically everything is ok, soon , although a few bits and bobs going on that I need to get addressed and soon although I keep saying this and haven’t actually gotten round to sorting it out yet, but it’s on the to-do list .I’ll update on all things relating to that once I know what’s going on too , the joys but hey life goes on 🙂 and I’m alright Hopefully just something simple really but yes a doctors appointment is on the cards soon.


Surgery wise everything is on hold what with my job now and everything I just physically haven’t got the time to be doing it at the moment , If I was able to take the time off and not get behind on work or things I need to be doing and whatever then yes I probably would have either done it or at least been further along the line of getting to that point , but it’s alright I’m ok with it .It’s been my choice to not pursue it any further at least whilst I’m studying and doing my apprenticeship, possibly even after that we will just have to see how life goes 🙂 .Honestly though I feel like I’m in a better place with appearance and everything , no I’m not 100% confident or there but I honestly feel my job has changed so much about me and in a way brought the real me out , or at least is helping for that to happen and to be an option again.


Charity and support groups wise I’m very much on the quiet side too, this doesn’t, however, mean I’m no longer interested or don’t want to be doing things or attending events but being on apprentice wages means I have to be really careful with money.Especially with having to pay for my car that is on finance and I’m still paying off, my phone bill , petrol it doesn’t stretch much further than that and even that at times can be a stretch but honestly to me the money doesn’t matter yes it has meant I’ve not been able to attend as many events such as mingles , or coffee mornings either purely due to the money side of things in being able to afford transport to London or wherever or with being at work or having work meetings and things going on .


A lot of the time now I get in from work go to brownies/ guides and rangers if it’s the nights I’m doing that and go to bed, other nights I’m either on my laptop getting work done for assignments or logging time on my smart assessor that tracks all my progress with work and everything or honestly I’m too tired and I’m sitting falling asleep with a cup of tea or hot chocolate in front of the TV but it has all been worth it and is worth it and I wouldn’t give any of this up for the world.983926_10208903861330560_2128893743693654853_n17951566_10209036125197074_3084598708617598551_n18157018_10209142164567992_5104280672017074301_n18157810_10209142164047979_7069099122975492532_n18193769_10209142163407963_5693944508214311331_n18300890_10209191140472359_3286067035124244431_n18699927_10209356716011644_7417896640997487890_n18767575_10209356716291651_1583855344217673928_n

2017 Goals..

Published January 29, 2018 by goshgurl95

Firstly I want to start this blog off by wishing everyone a very happy and bright new year,..2017 is finally here… it is crazy how quickly last year passed us by, some good things happened in that year and others, things we would rather put behind us and forget.


2016 was quite a good year for me personally I turned 21 in Summer and celebrated it A LOT  including an over night spa break with mum swimming, jaccuzzi, steam rooms, saunas, massages, facials etc, meal out with family and family friends, night out for dinner and clubbing after with friends another weekend,  lots of champagne and drinking going on there.


I left my job at McDonald’s that made me so desperately unhappy and traded it in for an apprentice position at a local day nursery, a massive pay cut but it has been worth it because it’s not about the money the job is just genuinely making me so happy.From my interview, starting up until now a couple of months in I’ve felt nothing but welcome there and am getting on soo soo well with everyone I’ve enjoyed nights out with the team I work with including celebrating an engagement, birthdays, just general nights out and even recently our Christmas do.Not once have I felt like I don’t belong or like an outsider or unwelcome, nothing like what I experienced in my previous job at all .


I had my bedroom redone and updated in January of this year into something that feels more me and a little more grown up .I’ve gone for a vintage themed room with pink and white floral wallpaper, had a tea shelf added in for my vintage cups and saucers, new bed and head board, new mattress literally in with the new and out with the old.


There’s been a lot of social activity I’ve spent a lot of girly nights with my friends eating out , ordering in takeaways and watching films with snacks, catching up in town over a coffee nights out for friend’s birthdays such as quasar, cinema trips , outdoor cinemas, lunch out, drinks out etc..


I’ve spent more time for me  this year too such as treating myself a little more such as getting my lashes lifted and tinted, as well as my brows waxed and tinted as a little something for me as I really feel this year I;m starting to become happier and on the right path heading to places I want to be headed, and I mean it’s nice to sometimes take the time out to focus on myself and that’s not in a vain way at all.


There has been some good things happen too such as I was officially discharged from Great Ormond Street Hospital in January this year after 20 years and 5 months which was actually really hard, as I’ve never had a time in my life where I’ve been completely hospital or medical treatment free and especially not so from GOSH .I’ve been .. well I guess I say I was travelling to and from GOSH since before I was even born before being taken on as a patient from 3 months old and having regular appointments and treatments with them ever since.It was filled with very mixed emotions I mean the staff, the teams, the wards and the hospital itself became home and my second family ..But I suppose I know it’s a good thing really but just a horribly odd feeling and I still cannot thank them enough for everything, nor do I ever think I will be able to.But I will always be incredibly grateful to them and owe them absolutely everything and more, They will forever hold a special place in my heart and I will never forget them.If anything this makes me more determined to continue fundraising and raising awareness in any way I can and with my blog too.


It has also been a hard year too as my sister has been battling with her anorexia and 2016 saw her spend 4 and a half months in hospital , However 2016 did see her get extended leave in January until her discharge, which made me the proudest big sister ever to see her fighting and kicking anorexia’s butt. Although it was rough seeing her readmitted only 11 short weeks later for another couple of months and then again a little later on into the year too.


2016 also saw us bring home our gorgeous pug puppy Mowgli who has become such an amazing addition to our family, especially through the tough times with my sister’s treatment and hospital, stays he basically became our rock and our little escape and therapy dog, well at least he did for me.When things got too much and I just needed to get out Mowgli was the perfect excuse, take him for walks and a good cry to clear my head, a friendly face to see after returning home from those god awful visits to the hospital and seeing the state my sister was in.


I did my first aid, first response training with Girlguiding back in January to something I really enjoyed doing and something that has always interested me in doing .2016 was also a year I found out who my true friends really are and who really is there in times of need.


Other things that haven’t been great this year has included having to go up to Head Office of McDonald’s due to being treated badly by my employer and abused because of my disabilities…But in April I finally had the guts to take a stand against everything that had happened in the past four years and put a stop to it by going up to London Head Office to argue my case of discrimination , in what my dad (who accompanied me as my witness) said I did in a very dignified and professional way despite intimidation to drop the proceedings.It wasn’t easy nor something I ever want to have to do again was horrid but I’d gotten to the point they’d given me no other option and enough was enough I wasn’t putting up with it.. this is definitely a moment of 2016 I don’t want to remember and want to put behind me.


May 2016 saw us celebrate my beautiful mums 50th birthday which was such an amazing night and a night I will not be forgetting in a hurry…There may have been some wine involved… I, of course, am completely innocent and know nothing about that 😉 .2016 also had a lot of 21st and 18th celebrations including mine and my sisters.. Although it was really hard an emotional having to spend my sisters 18th birthday in hospital with her but the main thing was we got to see her, she got some time out of the hospital locally and to stay in a hotel with us overnight  we also celebrated our friends, peers and year groups too ,so was a fair few parties this year..I totally remember my 21st birthday night out with friends………


I started a couple of months voluntary work in a local preschool for 6 months to get experience and to help me on my way to getting a job in a nursery which I absolutely loved and was sad to leave but had to do so, as I was offered my apprentice position at another nursery.


I’ve had some great fun with the brownies and guides including taking the brownies to gig for girls really early on a Saturday morning to dance, sing, be silly and give the girls that concert like experience whilst all getting to let our hair down and have a laugh too. I also completed my adult leadership officially with the brownies which was great, a lot of work went into it but every second of it has been worth it to become a fully qualified brownie leader, meaning now I can give the girls a lot more opportunities as well as getting more opportunities to do things within Girlguiding myself too. Other Girlguiding experiences have included spending a whole week camping with the guides locally at an international jamboree, meaning other girl guides and scouts across the world all came together to spend a week of fun, taking part in activities together and generally celebrating guiding…This was something I had vowed never to do again after bad experiences camping as a guide myself, but I have to say I loved every second of it and will be going along to jamboree in 2018 too hopefully.


this year also saw me have some good quality family time such as seeing grease sing along at a local outdoor cinema in the summer with mum where we took our own picnic of snakcs, wine, and prossecco, seeing my favourite film and book come alive on the westend stage as a 21st birthday present (Matilda the Musical) with my dad  (mum had already seen it) and had an absolutely amazing time dressing up with the red hair ribbon and dress that was similar to Matilda’s in the film and spending the day in London with dad visiting M&M world (my favourite chocolate), drinks in the pub and a spot of shopping too. Disney on Ice recently with mum and my little sister for a girly day out seeing as dad didn’t want to join us.


I also got my second tattoo done which was my Peter Pan silhouette tattoo for great Ormond street (I’m sure I’ve done an actual blog post on this and my reasons why it’s for GOSH and how it helps represent them, if I have go check that out, if not let me know and I’ll post it) .I also in 2016 decided to become an organ donor and signed the register,I mean I love helping people now why not help people when I’m gone not exactly as though I’ll be needing my organs at that point so why shouldn’t they go to someone who needs them.



So my goals and aims for 2017 are firstly for my sister to finally recover from anorexia and get to come home so we can enjoy more family time and be together rather than split.To continue doing my best with my coursework and everything for my apprenticeship , try to continue to be happier and confident in myself and just try to enjoy life and let life leads me, rather than me trying to lead it all the time and hopefully there will be a lot more fun, adventures and memories in 2017..





New Beginnings …New Adventures

Published December 29, 2016 by goshgurl95

In my last post you may have noticed I said I needed to change an appointment to a school half term and that I now may not be able to continue down the surgery path for this moment in time or any time soon .The reason for that is also the biggest reason as to why I have been so quiet on my blog ,Facebook page and twitter lately.That’s not to say I haven’t been wanting to tell you all but I just wanted to wait a while until things were settled and everything.


No I am not pregnant nor have I had a baby before anyone gets that idea .I am still very much single and a baby is certainly not on the cards anytime soon.


Most of you will know that I work for a fast food chain , mcdonalds .. Well Saturday 29th October  after having a lot of issues at the store and with the management in particular , to the point I had to go up to head office in April to report two members of the management including my business manager due to things they said about me which were highly offensive and unprofessional. Being  falsely accused of a lot of things without them being looked into properly, not being appreciated , always being expected to stay on without being asked or any noticed, scheduled outside of my availability, and genuinely not being happy in my job.To the point I would come home and cry most nights, I would dread getting up to go to work, whilst driving to work I would be thinking about turning round and coming home, purely because I knew what I would be going into and facing day after day.I often pulled into the car park and wanted to drive straight back out and I would sit in my car until the last possible minute before going in.Purely because my job made me so desperately unhappy.


So on that Saturday 29th October I finally walked in on my day off and handed my notice in , and told my manager I would be leaving on Monday 31st.I was supposed to give two weeks notice,however due to our store closing for refurbishment and my manager wanting us to all relocate to another store  in London which would have taken me a lot longer to get to work and I was still expected as a drive to stop off at our store to collect other staff and give them a lift to and from .I had already booked those five whole weeks off because I was not happy with the idea of doing so, and also because I was already so deeply unhappy in my job anyway I didn’t see what good it would do if I relocated for those few weeks.I had already been offered a transfer in April although I felt it shouldn’t be me that was made to move , so opted to have the time off unpaid. So I told my manager to take my 2 weeks notice out of the five I was  taking off unpaid..


I had kept the fact I was leaving a secret for a good few weeks before handing my notice in as I had applied for a new job and had gotten the job a week after I went for the interview ,I had waited to tell McDonald’s for a couple reasons:

  1. They had messed me around A LOT
  2. They never told me my schedule until the last minute
  3. I wasn’t seeing eye to eye with my boss anyway over everything that had happened
  4. I wanted to wait until the new job was definite
  5. I wanted to wait until all the paperwork and contracts had been signed


My boss already knew I was leaving ,as I’d had to put down an employment reference so had put down one of the managers I got on well with , and she had emailed asking my boss if it was OK for her to do it etc .So he was already aware I would be going even before I had said anything, but in honesty it made it so much easier and straight forward to do.He basically just said to me was I leaving because of the issues between us, which I partly was but also wasn’t I mean I had wanted to leave for quite some time , however if I hadn’t found another job I would have had no choice but to stay there , as I wasn’t about to just leave with no job to go to or anything like that.He actually apologised to me , which was the first time he had actually done that, I honestly hadn’t expected that , well not this late on anyway .I expected some sort of apology at least in April , rather than just all the awkwardness, avoiding me, speaking through me to other people , shutting doors on me etc. BUTTT HE SAID SORRY and it took me by utter surprise.He told me he would get the other manager to complete the reference that day, as I had explained to him that I had signed the contracts and everything and they were just waiting on that.

I had staff saying they didn’t want me to go but also saying to me I was doing the right thing in going and even had customers saying well done when they realised I was handing my notice in and complaining about the company, even though I had never met them before.I actually walked out those doors crying.. crying tears of relief and happiness knowing it was finally coming to an end.


I was sooo happy going in on that Monday knowing I was on an early shift (out side of my schedule availability) but hey and just knowing it was the last ever day I would have to put up with it all and ever see those awful people again.I actually came out crying at the end of my last ever shift handing my uniform and things back and finally walking out the door.Not one of those tears was due to sadness it was all just pure relief and happiness , as I honestly hated that job so much and at times I couldn’t see any escape or way out of it.It was just 4 years and 4 months of true emotion coming out .Everything that had been bottled and kept in , behind that fake smiling person serving customers and clearing up them.I was finally free .Surprisingly my boss was on the phone when I was leaving.. hmm ironic..


Anyway once I’d left and got in my car to drive home, I thought I would quickly check my Facebook and emails etc seeing as I wasn’t allowed my phone during working hours so this was the first time since I’d had my lunch break at 10 am I had been able to check my phone.It was a good thing I did as I saw I had a missed call and an email asking me to ring HR of my new job back.I am so glad I did as they actually wanted me to start the next morning, I of course accepted.

1st November 2016 I started my first day as a level 3 apprentice in childcare at a local day nursery and it has honestly been the best thing I have ever done, It was honestly the right time and the right decision to leave my old job .I actually haven’t looked back or regretted it once.Yes it’s a lot less money as I’m on an apprentice wage, but I honestly don’t care everyone has been so welcoming, so kind,friendly and the kids are amazing .It is everything I could ever have dreamt of and more.There have been a few complications with the qualification side of things though and I am now going to be switching from an apprenticeship onto a level 3 NVQ meaning I will have to do more hours, 2 hours at college instead of half day and study in my own time.Honestly it doesn’t matter to me all that matters is I am finally in a career that makes me so super happy and has restored my faith in humanity, where I feel a part of the team , where I belong .I have noticed such a change in myself since starting ,I now want to get up for work every morning, I don’t want to go home at the end of the day, the time goes sooo much quicker,  I want to stay on , I want to take shorter lunch breaks, I want to be involved in everything I possibly can such as Christmas fetes, special evenings and events ,  and everything that happens I want to be there and be part of it.At the weekends I miss being at work and can’t wait to get back Monday morning to see everyone. I have the BEST team .I love everything about it ,I cannot say there is one thing I dislike ,I just love it and to me it doesn’t feel like my job , it just feels so right and I honestly could not be happier if I tried.


I have noticed i’m becoming a better person, I’m happier at work and home, I’m so much more myself  at my new job,I’m super comfortable, I am so much more confident and I don’t mind asking questions and finding out new things, I literally want to know everything and everyone.I want to be at all staff events .This is honestly my dream come true and this is why I’ve been dead quiet on here because my job has literally become everything to me, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to do my blogs anymore nor does it mean I will stop but if I don’t post for a while please understand I may be doing work things or studying so that I can gain my qualification to achieve my dreams.A few quotes that ring so true right now are:



dreams do come true ,if only we wish hard enough.You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it -Peter pan


If you keep on believing the dreams that you wish will come true– Cinderella


All our dreams come true , If we have the courage to pursue them Walt Disney


NEVER EVER let anyone tell you , you can’t do something or that you will never achieve it because the truth is if you want it badly enough you will get it in the end, just keep trying and keep fighting for what you want.Trust me take it from me I was told all through secondary school I would amount to nothing, I would never have a proper job, I would never pass GCSE .Well I’ve passed GCSE ,I am worth more than McDonald’s and I can and will work a proper job in a nursery that makes me so super happy.Who has the right to tell anyone they can’t or won’t do anything? Absolutely no one , the only thing stopping you is you.My only regret is not doing this sooner, yes it has taken a lot of evenings searching and applying for jobs,lots of rejections, a lot of getting no where ,failed interviews, etc but it has happened it has all paid of .All those years of searching and dreaming have paid of I’ve made that first step into happiness and into my future life.


This is why I was saying in my previous blog I don’t know if I will now go ahead or be able to go ahead with surgery , as my new job means so much more to me and I have a lot studying and work to do to qualify and complete my qualification but what I do know is whatever is meant to be certainly will be.I never honestly expected to be able to say at the end of 2016 I would have been working in my dream job for nearly 2 months,I just never expected it at all but it means so much to me and has changed everything.I literally cannot thank my boss enough for giving me a chance and taking the time to interview me , then taking me on ..WOW I can’t thank her enough for that and I don’t think I ever will be able to do so. I can’t thank my boss enough for giving me the opportunity, the opportunity to shut the door and move onto pastures new .Most importantly the opportunity to prove I can do this and how passionate I am about doing this


Never EVER let anything or anyone stop you from achieving your dreams and always remember you are never to old to believe in anything , nor are you to old to wish or to have your dreams come true ..Nor are you ever to old to believe in happily ever afters .You have the power to do anything no matter what anyone says, or what medical conditions you may have.Fight for what you want in life , never give up and hold onto every hope and chance with everything you have XX

Surgery talks..

Published December 29, 2016 by goshgurl95

I know I’ve been super quiet on here but I’m hoping this blog and my next blog will hopefully help to explain why.As I mentioned in my last post there hasn’t been a great deal of medical/health stuff going on  (although has been some as you can now guess from the title of this blog) ,There has been things going on in my personal life ,I will be talking about those but not quite as of yet .. The same goes for this blog technically this all started ages ago but I wanted to wait a while for posting.


Those of you who have read other blogs of mine will know I am no longer a patient at GOSH but will also know that for quite some time there has been other surgeries I’ve wanted and I have put them all off for family reasons or other reasons.


Since the age of maybe 16 I have desperately wanted a boob job as my right breast is very undeveloped compared to my left side due to my goldenhars, and it has bothered me for quite some time  .Well really it’s been bothering me since I was at secondary school if I am honest.I always hated getting changed for PE at secondary school.Secondary school is when you start to notice the changes in your body and getting changed near so many teenage girls , you soon notice them changing and developing and going through puberty. It’s fair to say it was awkward for all of us .However they all soon started developing and growing breasts and needing to wear bras.I on the other hand I wasn’t at that point.Eventually I noticed I was being laughed at because slowly but surely I was the last girl in the changing rooms not in a bra as nothing had grown or developed.I eventually went out and bought a training/sports bra so I was wearing something to help stop the humiliation ,obviously it didn’t really help as I had nothing there and everyone knew it and were now wearing nice proper bra’s whilst I was just wearing sports bras and training bras just so I was wearing something, not because I needed to be.


So it is fair to say I was a late bloomer , anyway things did start to develop and grow .However even now I am finally able to wear proper bras etc my right breast just never has caught up with my left , and I know it is normal and most women do have one breast smaller than the other but due to my goldenhars it has made it more extreme than perhaps it would have been if I didn’t have goldenhars. It was so bad when I was younger even my parents didn’t think I would have anything at all that side as I only seemed to grow on the one side and nothing ever happened the other side.


It not only was an issue for me in the school changing rooms but also school prom .I would have said parties but I wasn’t ever invited to any parties and rarely went out during my school years due to all the bullying and issues I experienced at school , I was never popular and never had more than 2-3 friends if I was lucky so I was definitely the social outcast , the one no one wanted around or to be friends with etc.Prom is a huge part in any girl or guys life more so the girls I would say as it’s the last time you see everyone from school , where everyone gets dressed up, has their hair done, nails done and everything goes the bigger the better etc. I wore a strapless dress and had a lot of padding underneath the dress (something I also did at school to try to make things look better before moving onto push up bras or the gel padded bras) ,I felt Okay but seeing everyone else only made me more conscious.


It has only really become more of an issue as I have gotten older  to the point I hate going out in t-shirts  or baggy jumpers because I look flat as a pancake and look like I have a little boys chest .However I also don’t like wearing tight fitting tops too much due to this whole issues. It’s getting harder now I am getting older to find bikini tops and bras that fit because obviously naturally my left side is still growing but the right side seems to have stopped so I always end up constantly hoisting my bra up throughout the day where it is too big on the right side but the left side is too small and needs the next size up so I genuinely hate bra shopping as I never find anything that fits or that I love so now tend to just opt for cheap ones from primark as I have tried so many alternatives push up, gel,padded,stuffing bras, tightening on the one side. I can’t say any of it has worked for me personally.People have often said  to me why not get bras specially made but it just costs far to much than what I can afford and us women well we need different colours , and different types and styles for different things .People have also suggested I don’t wear a bra but it’s not possible I don’t like the idea of everyone being able to see it all through my tops or whatever.


I no longer go swimming because bikini shopping is a nightmare and I always now have that dreaded fear of going swimming or getting in the water and that side falling down/off or whatever so I just avoid that sort of situation and I don’t wear bikini’s anymore either.


For some time now mainly since 2013, but it became a stronger wish of mine after a holiday with family and family friends in 2014. I have known and wanted to get a boob job as I am so desperately unhappy with how things are .I finally got up the courage around September/October time this year to go to my GP and to discuss the possibility of this becoming a reality because I know this is the only way I will ever truly be happy or satisfied with how things are.



I asked mum to come to the appointment with me as I was admittedly quite nervous about doing this as I’ve never had to go to the GP to request surgery before I’ve usually been under a hospital and they have either suggested surgery as a treatment option or they have told me all the possible treatment or surgery options that are or will become available to me as I got older etc. Also the advantage of being under a hospital meant if I had any concerns I had the option to raise them , so the whole process of having to go to my GP to ask was completely different for me .It was also something I had put of for a couple of years  purely because I was worried and nervous about having to do it, not so much the hospital or surgery but the process of going through the GP.


To be honest it wasn’t as bad as I was making it out to be .I had to explain to the doctor what goldenhars was and how it affects me as she had never heard of it before (something that isn’t so unfamiliar now) we discussed what the process would involve which started with me going in explaining it was not just due to me wanting bigger boobs or anything like that and how I wanted it for medical reasons, She then took notes of what I told her about the condition and about all of the things above ,She then wrote up her notes and sent us away to get the two sides measured at the weekend so she could include that and then send a letter to the board to see whether they would approve or not , as obviously it is seen as a cosmetic procedure and a lot of women want to have it done and try to do so through the NHS. Now I know this is the route I’m trying to go however I would never go through  the NHS if it wasn’t for a medical reason.


That weekend I went to a local bra shop and got measured and it turns out the right  side is two whole sizes smaller than what the left .It wasn’t great hearing that but at the same time it was something I knew deep down and was roughly what I had guessed the difference to be .The lady in the shop wasn’t as nice as she could’ve been about the whole situation and I didn’t feel she was very understanding and questioned everything , questioned why I wanted to know individual sizes rather than just bra size and couldn’t understand why I didn’t want her to fit me for a bra etc.But oh well I got the information I needed and we rung the doctors on the Monday morning and got it added to the letter .


I then obviously had to play the waiting game whilst I waited to hear either from the doctors or from the board to see what the decision was.I think about a week-two weeks later I received a letter from the board….The APPROVED the funding for me to get it done.The next step was for them to write to my GP and ask them to write to the breast consultant at the hospital , and then the waiting game begun again..


I recently , just before Christmas received a letter from my local hospital with a date and time for an initial appointment with a breast consultant at the breast clinic, at the time I thought the date would be great as I didn’t think I was due back to work until the following day.However it turns out I am actually due back to work on the day the appointment is scheduled so I have unfortunately had to cancel the appointment and I am hoping  that I will be able to rearrange the appointment for a school half term (I’ll explain why in my next blog post) I also unfortunately don’t know if I will now be able to go ahead at this moment in time with the appointment or the surgery when I get to that stage , again I will explain all in my next blog post.So really although in some ways I’m further ahead in the process of getting it sorted , in others I’m no further than when I started.However on the plus side if it is not possible for me to go ahead at this moment in time or anytime soon, at least I have all the letters from the board etc and can always take them to the GP when the time is then right, but we will see.What’s meant to be will be , some things have been gained and learnt along the way now it’s just down to a wait and see and What’s meant to be will be.I will keep you all updated though on what happens from here on. xx


GOSH remains forever …

Published December 29, 2016 by goshgurl95

It’s been a while since my last blog post. But in all honesty there hasn’t been a great deal  medically or health wise going on , or otherwise really if I am honest. So there hasn’t been much to talk or update on really .Just the same old same old.


As you may all know now my last post which was in January this year , was all about my last ever GOSH (Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital) appointment .I had known for a while that day was fast approaching but doesn’t mean to say it made it any easier when the day actually came around .


I had always known for quite some time that I needed and wanted  to do something for GOSH once I was formally discharged.I have done charity walks to raise money, completed the RBC Race for the kids in 2012 and have in total raised £700 for them .As well as this I have always sent a message on  stocking every year for the hospital’s stocking appeal for Christmas  ,I have always put money in collection tins for GOSH whenever I’ve seen them when I’ve been out and about or stayed at the premier inn ,I’ve always taken part in their raffles and have bought things from the charity shop when I’ve been at the hospital and have even opted to have lunch or something to eat and drink within the hospital cafe when I’ve been at the hospital.


However although I will always remember doing this and of course will always remember my time at GOSH and all the incredible staff who have helped me and have been apart of my journey up to that point.I just felt I needed something I could always remember them by.Something more permanent , although of course I will still raise money for GOSH and put money in their collection tins etc .Although I know GOSH will forever be a part of me and forever with me I wanted something to symbolise  and represent everything and the whole journey from the beginning until now really.


I decided to book something that would represent everything I wanted it to such as:


  • my time at GOSH
  • Peter pan ward
  • GOSH forever being with me, by my side in everything I do
  • The magic of GOSH
  • reminder of my childhood
  • reminder of growing up as a GOSH patient
  • reminder of my time at GOSH


In September I spent between half an hour to  hour getting this :

15192622_1085352181562128_1827209119503852860_nMy second tattoo .However this one holds a lot of meaning for me as I decided this would be my permanent reminder of GOSH .The reason I opted for this particular design. A silhouette of Peter pan , Wendy,John and Michael from one of the most iconic scenes within the film,Where Wendy,John and Michael learn to fly and begin their journey to neverland. I felt this was the best design for me  because the story of Peter Pan links in a lot with my time at GOSH. The reason being is as far back as I can remember there has always been artwork throughout the departments I visited or past through of Peter Pan and the story.Such as Maxilliofacial have a massive picture of Peter pan on their wall, X-ray and even medical illustration had artwork of peter pan the story.Every operation I ever had at GOSH I always stayed on Peter Pan ward and they to had lots of artwork displayed in the rooms and throughout the ward. J.M Barrie also  dedicated all of the rights of Peter Pan to GOSH and as a result created the ward, the artwork and  the ever so beautiful statue of Peter Pan and Tinkerbell outside the entrance to the hospital. My other reason for Peter Pan was because I think it captures the magic of GOSH.Throughout the past 21 years of my life I have been in and out of various hospitals but none have ever been anything like GOSH the care is just out of this world and there truly is something magical about the hospital as you walk in those doors.


GOSH and the staff have always felt like my second home and my second family ,so the idea of Peter pan being the boy who never grew up kind of tied in with my time and experience at GOSH as I never wanted to grow up or reach the age , or the day I had to walk out of those doors for the last time.I kind of did and, still do at times wish I could be Peter Pan and go back to that time so I wouldn’t ever have to leave the phenomenal hospital or team. I’ve realised more so since being discharged how lucky and fortunate I was to be under GOSH as now I’m kind of stuck in no mans land where I’m back to the real world, where GPs, doctors, hospitals have no idea about any of my medical conditions or even what they mean or even some of the surgeries I’ve had.To the point I’ve had doctors google the condition in front of me,  look through medical books and dictionaries in front of me , tell me to my face they’ve never heard of it , had to ask me to tell them what it is and what it means and basically talk through my whole medical file , which being under hospitals since before I was even born is some task to do.


I opted to get the tattoo on my left side directly underneath my rib graft scar , the reason being I can always say GOSH literally are by my side all the time in everything I do and are  apart of every decision I make. I don’t ever have to feel that I’ve fully left or that they’ve left me. Ear reconstruction  was my biggest surgery to date and one that meant  a lot to me and changed quite a bit.It was that surgery that has been the main reason behind my blog and Facebook page, it was that surgery that meant I joint Microtia support groups and met some absolutely amazing people .It was also that surgery that meant I stood and gave a speech to over 140 paying people at Microtia UK’s charity launch party. Microtia also probably is the biggest condition  that I have and that has affected things the most in a way and is also probably the condition that has led to the majority of my surgeries and possibly appointments, although of course I have other conditions and have had many surgeries and appointments for those to. Microtia was also what led me to meet the most fantastic consultant and surgeon I could ever dream to have Neil Bulstrode who even to this day is a massive influence and inspiration to me.I’m so lucky for Neil to have been there when I gave my speech at the Microtia UK charity launch party, I’ve been fortunate enough to hear him speak at various Microtia events about his work and got the chance to talk to him and to hear that he reads my blog posts, which is amazing.Neil really has been a big part of my GOSH journey and a major part of why I do my blog and everything.


I will admit the tattoo was quite painful as it is on my rib and even the tattooist wasn’t so sure it would be a good placement as it’s only my second tattoo , and said had I of come to him asking for it as my first tattoo he wouldn’t have done it there due to the pain etc. He wasn’t kidding nor is anyone else that tells you rib tattoos hurt.But you know what it was worth every single second of that 30-60 minutes .The reason I say it’s worth it is because lets be honest where would I have gotten in life without pain..  first stage rib graft killed and was extremely painful for me… the bullying was pain in another way,  but one of my motto’s is no pain no gain .Without the pain of some of my surgeries and experiences in life such as the bullying I wouldn’t be where I am now.I do truly believe anything you want enough you will do anything to get including going through a lot of pain to get there. I’ve had the heartache of being rejected because of my medical conditions but I’ve got there and come back through the other side slowly but surely. If I’m honest part of me wanted the tattoo on my ribs because I knew it would be painful .. weird I know but that’s me 🙂 .


I just thought well if I can endure the pain I did with my rib graft I can get through a tattoo which didn’t take any time compared to the length of time I was in theatre, in hospital recovering and in pain for.The worst part of the tattoo was Peter’s hat  and foot and well I couldn’t exactly have stopped at either of those points.. because what is Peter Pan without his hat or his feet??!! The tattooist said to me it would’ve been more painful and that he noticed I found the whole top part more painful due to my scar and obviously it being so close to scar tissue and the surgery site and said the needle vibrating on that area would’ve caused more pain than perhaps someone who didn’t have that. But oh well 🙂 He also said where he had to go over the tattoo to colour it in and then go over that would’ve made it sore and painful as the skin had newly been tattooed and then going over it etc. My best friend came with me and said she could tell it was painful as it apparently bled a lot.(I couldn’t see that due to the position I had to lay in)  and said I wasn’t talking much which isn’t like me ..anyone that knows me will know I can talk for England and I hate not talking so she knew it hurt this time around.


Ever since having it done in September I can’t help but keep looking at it every morning whilst having a shower and again after and just completely falling in love with it all over again .Although a lot of people told me before hand I would regret getting it done or regret getting it on my ribs I can honestly say I have no regret whatsoever over it and I know I never will do .In honesty I favor it over my first tattoo.I believe this was one of the best things I did .I also wanted it done as I hate saying Goodbye and as Peter Pan would say ” Never say goodbye, because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting”- Peter Pan and I never want to say goodbye to GOSH so to me the quote is perfect meaning for why this tattoo means so much to me.


I would love to hear what you guys think of it or whether you would ever do anything like this .Let me know 🙂



The Last Ever GOSH Appt 19/01/16

Published January 19, 2016 by goshgurl95

If you haven’t already then you will probably need to read my previous two blog posts that I wrote and published today for this one to make any sense, as it’s a bit of a continuation from that.


I got to London with plenty of time for my appointment today , which was lucky really as the tube station was extremely busy so much so I didn’t even attempt to get on the first god knows how many.Before attempting and failing to get on a further load .As I didn’t particularly fancy being rammed into a tiny little standing spot, although I don’t mind standing on the tube at all .I had a brisk walk across to Great Ormond Street as it was absolutely freezing out this morning .I arrived at GOSH with plenty of time before my appointment so went to check in early.I’ve decided I’m not going to worry about the what if’s and what may or may not happen and just go with the flow of how the appointment goes today.


Arrived at the Dental and Maxilliofacial department and  all I had to say was that I had an appointment at 10.15 and Astrid the receptionist said ” it’s Mr Gill you see isn’t it ” and it’s Bethan Harvey ” so she basically checked me in without me having to do much at all … Just goes to show just how long and often I’ve been coming up to GOSH really.If the staff even remember and recognize me when they get so many different patients and families coming through the door every day.  To be fair though Astrid has been working there for as long as I can remember and Well I suppose I have and do class GOSH as my second home really so , that clearly explains it LOL.


I didn’t have to wait too long until I was called through , although it was slightly past my scheduled appointment time.I think I was the second person to get called through in the time that I had been sitting there so wasn’t bad going really.


I didn’t see Mr Gill my consultant today like I usually do , instead I saw one of the fellows that I’m sure I’ve met before ..I’m pretty certain it was the same one I saw at my last appointment to get my new retainer made ,She seemed to recognize me too , so it must have been her I saw last time. I knew then that any questions of surgery were not going to be brought up , as from what I’ve experienced in the past it’s only the consultant or the person your scheduled to actually see for appointments that would ever talk through things like that. I was only in there for a couple of minutes at the very most , was definitely one of my quicker in and out appointments, which in a way is rather annoying given how much it costs me to travel up to the hospital from where I live .Anyway all she wanted to do was check that everything has been going alright since my last appointment which it has been…Yes for once I hadn’t snapped/cracked or broken either of my retainers in any way shape or form , which must be some sort of record for me , as think most times I’ve gone for retainer checks I’ve had to get new ones made…Then again I’ve not had this new one very long, so lets give it time LOL. She looked through my records and said that my braces had come off in 2014 and that seeing as they have been off over a year now, that she couldn’t really see me needing or having to have any more retainer checks as apparently the norm is usually around a year or so.


So yeah she just checked over both retainers, got me to put them in and take them out and then checked over them to make sure that they were fitting properly and that they were not too tight or too loose and then got me to take them back out and had a quick check over of my teeth.Before asking me if anyone had made any plans for me to have any surgeries which I said I didn’t have any scheduled,planned or upcoming .. or at least not to my knowledge I didn’t. So she said she wasn’t  really sure what to do and asked if I was alright for her to go and speak to Mr Gill and ask him what he wanted her to do etc.Which I said I was fine about , as well  he is my consultant and the one over seeing my care and treatment. Whilst she was gone the dental Nurse Danielle asked if I was happy with how my teeth were looking and the improvement they have made , which I honestly am as I feel for me personally anyway they’ve made a huge difference and although it may sound a little weird I think in a way it hides my jaw issues a little more, and doesn’t make it look quite as obvious as what it used to appear to me.


The fellow was back within a few minutes and said she and Mr Gill were happy and that he didn’t want or need her to do anything else and  didn’t need to see again and was happy for me to be discharged… In a way a bit of a shock to the system , as although I knew it would be coming up soon purely due to my age and everything, I didn’t really expect it to be today .I suppose I thought and expected that when I was discharged I would have seen my consultant Mr Gill and he would have done it , or as had been discussed a few years ago when I was discharged from the ENT clinic with Neil Bulstrode that I would be seen in multi disciplinary clinic , as he had asked one of the other consultants if that would be happening as he said he would have liked to say goodbye properly etc when the time came. So yeah a little bit of a shock but in honesty I was expecting it to happen some time soon , as things have been good for a while now and been going as planned and well whether I like or not I am getting older now and the hospital is classed as a children’s hospital , so it was going to happen soon really.It was a bit of a shame as the fellow I saw said she would see if Mr Gill would pop in to see me to say goodbye and everything but he unfortunately couldn’t as he was busy with other things which is completely understandable although it would have been nice to have had the chance to thank him for everything he’s done for me since 2012 when he took over being my consultant.


I didn’t really know how to feel about it all and honestly I still don’t ,I mean don’t get me wrong I know it’s a good thing and I do see it as a good thing and as the end of an era or chapter or whatever you like. But at the same time although knowing this day would come at some point I guess part of me never really believed or expected it to though, as silly as it sounds.As I’ve been under Great Ormond Street Hospital’s care since I was 22 weeks in the womb before I became a patient at the age of 3 months old, so really it’s all I’ve ever known throughout all of my life and it definitely feels a little strange knowing I won’t ever be going back as a GOSH patient anymore.It’s a little sad too as I’ve met some absolutely amazing teams of people from the consultants,surgeons,doctors,nurses,play specialists, the receptionists etc so much so they’ve become my second family and second home too. So a little sad knowing I won’t be seeing them anymore  and it means I’m growing up whether I want to or not I’m becoming an adult .. oh dear… LOL . But of course I see all the good and the positives too such as it means now I’m no longer under any hospitals , my health is good , my conditions are doing as well as they can be,I’m happy and it just means a new door will have to open and the next chapter of life can and will begin.


I went to sit in the Lagoon cafe  for a bit of breakfast and a hot chocolate seeing as I hadn’t eaten before I left the hospital for  the last time as a patient and to type all of this up onto my phone too of course :). I think looking back at the whole of today and the last few months I could see this completely being on the cards and I know now looking at everything I am happy as I am and that although in a sense the surgery decision has been made for me , it’s completely the right and best thing and I am happy that I’ve not had the two further surgeries .Although I would still like to get a few bits done but nothing facial or anything as I’ve decided I am happy as the person I am and it’s time to just work on the confidence and accept it all fully that this is who I am and have become .It’s been one massive journey from start to finish but the whole experience and journey with GOSH has been incredible.. It’s strange yes that it’s come to an end after 20 years and 5 months of being a patient and I am of course going to miss the hospital, the teams of staff that have helped and supported me throughout various parts of my journey but they will always be extremely special to me and hold a very special place in my life that will forever stay in my heart and with me.I have never been able to fully thank any of the amazing staff or teams of people for the things that they’ve done for me throughout the years.Well this certainly is not exception that I still owe absolutely everything to them and will never be able to thank them enough for everything they’ve done for me.




Now I just couldn’t leave without first taking these photos  as peter pan and the hospital have become so special to me: